There is often nothing funnier than capturing a facial expression or occurrence at the right time, or, should we say, the most inopportune time.

I challenge you, loyal readers, to view the picture below and provide a captivating caption that will cause “the shores a-crowding” with “people all exulting.” Should you provide the wittiest of captions, for you the flag will be flung and the bugles will trill.

This week, we have New York Knick super-fan Spike Lee. It was quite a week for the Knicks, who expected to ressurrect their franchise with key home games against the Eastern Conference leading Boston Celtics and the Miami Heat. Madison Square Garden was abuzz until Paul Pierce’s silencing heroics and a blowout to the Triumvirate of South Beach. So with all the build up and Reggie Miller-esque let down, what was going through Spike’s mind? You tell us:

Photo: James Devaney/WireImage

You’ve got the context, now make like the father of free verse and create the best caption you can in the comments below.

AP Photo/John Raoux

By Paul Gotham

Van Gundy criticizes Carter’s defense…or lack thereof

It sure didn’t take long, and it sure comes as no surprise that Stan Van Gundy voiced his displeasure with Vince Carter’s defensive effort in practice.  On the second day of practice, Wednesday, Carter decided to take off a play and let JJ Redick go back door for an easy deuce. Van Gundy let Carter know of his dissatisfaction and commented that an individual video session was in the eight-time all-star’s future.

The Magic’s acquisition of Carter continues to be a head-scratcher. During last year’s playoffs, Orlando thrived on perimeter ball movement. In the past, Carter has demonstrated that he is one-man flow-of-offense hindrance.  Should we guess as to the over / under on the number of times Van Gundy and Carter air their differences this season.

Knicks playing the waiting game

When the Knicks traded Jamal Crawford and Zach Randolph they freed $27.3 million for their 2010-11 salary. Now Eddie Curry and his $11.3 million contract becomes the question. Will Curry show he is worth the investment and reach his potential?  Or will Curry become valuable trade bait? Or will Curry be a bust?

Mike D’Antoni and Donnie Walsh will have to bide their time before they can take advantage of the upcoming free agent class. Whatever happens, the Knicks will look to improve on 2008-09 when they finished seven games out of the playoffs at 32-50. The Knicks haven’t qualified for the post-season since 2004.

Super subs

Peja Stojakovic and Kirk Hinrich will settle into new roles this season coming off the bench. Stojakovic enters his twelfth season of play. Last year, the native of Serbia played just 61 games because of back ailments. Stojakovic is the highest paid player on the Hornets’ roster.

After last season, Hinrich thought he would be traded. The trade did not occur. Now, with Derrick Rose and John Salmons penciled in as the Bulls’ starting back court, Hinrich will come off the bench this season – his seventh in the NBA.

Recovering from knee surgery Al Jefferson is looking to earn a spot with Timberwolves this season.  The center dropped 31 pounds this summer. Jefferson credits Subway for his leaner look.  Dining on ham and turkey footlongs have helped Jefferson get ready for the season. And, no, he doesn’t even have a deal with the sandwich maker.

Arenas injured again

Grilling outside has taken another hit. No, it’s not Gilbert Arenas’s surgically repaired knee. Arenas sat out scrimmages on consecutive days due to an injured finger. Get over it!!!!

Scab …errr replacement refs to start pre-season

The lockout between the NBA and its officials has not ended, and replacement officials will blow whistles for at least the pre-season. Here’s hoping that the background checks on these guys include any possible gambling history.

Pacers got the injury bug

Mike Dunleavy(knee), Tyler Hansbrough(shin), and Travis Diener(toe) will all watch from the sidelines when Indiana opens pre-season play versus Chicago.  Troy Murphy is questionable as he recovers from a sprained ankle.

Got any NBA splinters? Share them here.

I got a treat for New York Knick head coach, Mike D’Antoni. Coach D’Antoni what’s your flavor? Do you like Three Musketeers? I got a bag full after you took the overpaid, uninspired, and soon-to-be-if-not-already-disgruntled pair – Stephon Marbury and Eddy Curry – and showed them the view from the end of the bench. That was great stuff – you and Mike Singletary must have attended some coaching classes together.

If D’Antoni gets a treat, then Marbury gets a trick. Yo Stephon! We are taxing you 1/20th of your $20 million dollar salary. Dude – you have been guilty of grand theft salary for far too long. It is time to take a little away from you and find a deserving charity that needs a donation. Anyone know of a non-profit organization that could use some coin?

Hey Thomas Vanek! Do you like Milky Way? The way you’ve been lighting the lamp – 9 goals in 10 games – you deserve whatever you want.

Jerry Jones – how about some tricks. Jerra you have done a fine job of assembling a train wreck. You better be careful of that guy you hired to be the conductor – Wade Phillips. Did you talk to Ralph Wilson about him? Wilson let him go, and now Wade’s cronies are making it difficult for Ralph to get his well-deserved spot in Canton. Uh oh Jerra your Canton stock is dropping like everyone else’s 401K.

C’mon Clipboard readers! Got some tricks or treats to hand out?

Tottenham Hotspur currently find themselves at the bottom of the table with

White Hart Lane - home of Tottenham Hotspur FC

just five points in nine games. The facts are ominous. This is Tottenham’s worst start since 1912. Only one team, Southampton, has avoided relegation with as few points as Tottenham after as many games (two points in eight games). Their manager, Juande Ramos, has been sacked after just eight games at the helm. His buyout will reportedly cost Spurs £12 million.

Every team has its ups and downs, but what is most frustrating for Tottenham fans is the poor results after two summers of record spending. In their outwardly desperate attempt to compete with the top four clubs in England (Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea), Spurs have squandered their funds.

A financial report from 2006/2007 season by accounting firm Deloitte stated that Tottenham was one of the richest clubs in the world. Apparently this meant nothing to those in charge at White Hart Lane. They see the glory in UEFA Champions League, which requires a top four finish in the Premier League. In a league where debt is commonplace (latest reports show a £3 billon debt for the English Premier League), Tottenham decided to join in on the fun and become a frugal farce.

How do they compete with the top four? Buy high quality players, apparently. Last summer saw Tottenham outspend (£54 million total) everyone except Liverpool. This past summer Spurs spent close to £60 million, while selling their top scorers from last season, Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov.

Irishman Robbie Keane at Anfield - not a site many Spurs fans wanted

Tottenham has spent more the past two summers than any other club in England. The only good news is they continue to have a halfway decent turnover despite other clubs getting hit hard. The bad news? They have nothing to show for it except a Carling Cup victory last season.

The idea of spending a lot of money in free agency in hopes of quickly putting together a winning franchise is not foreign to us American sports fans. In exploring expensive off-season spending and its capability to produce championships, I decided to examine North American sports leagues. I barely had to look outside of New York City.

I started with the New York Giants. In 2006, they had the eighth highest payroll in the NFL at $108.1 million. They finished 8-8 and were eliminated in the first round as a wild card. In the 2007 season, the eventual Super Bowl champions had the lowest payroll at $75.7 million. Who’d they beat in the Super Bowl? The team with the second highest payroll, the New England Patriots ($117.9 million). The Giants cut roughly $33 million, became the

Epicenter of American sports greed: new Cowboys Stadium

cheapest team in the league, and walked away champions. Meanwhile, teams like the Redskins and Cowboys spent over $100 million in each of the last two seasons and have come away empty-handed.

In the actual city limits we have an obvious case study for inflated payrolls: The New York Knicks. It’s no secret that their record payroll has not paid off. Since the 2001-02 season, the Knicks have had at least the second highest payroll in the NBA, having the actual highest

Money not well spent

for five of the last seven seasons. Since 2001, the Knicks have gone 256-356, a winning percentage of .418. Even worse, they have not made it out of the first round of the playoffs during this stretch. The NBA champion the past two seasons has spent an average $24.6 million less than the Knicks.

And of course we have to talk about the New York Yankees. The Yankees’ payroll and the correlation to championships becomes a little more complicated than its New York brethren, the Giants and Knicks. I’d like to emphasize the word excessive here. The Yankees have four championships in my lifetime, and for three of those championships they had the highest payroll in the majors – but not by much. Take a look at the last four championship seasons for the Yanks and how many dollars separated them from the next highest payroll:

- 1996: Highest payroll by $3.4 million
- 1998: Second highest payroll, behind Baltimore by $7.2 million
- 1999: Highest payroll by $6.8 million
- 2000: Highest payroll by $2.5 million

Excessive? Not really, especially when many people would say their best team was in 1998, when their payroll wasn’t the highest. But the championships ceased after 2000, and the real spending began. From 2002 on, they have had the highest payroll in the majors – by a lot. Here’s the dollar separation between the Yankees payroll and the second highest payroll in MLB since 2002 (World Series Champions and their MLB payroll rank in parentheses):

- 2002: $17.5 million (LA Angels – 15)
- 2003: $35.5 million (Florida Marlins – 25)
- 2004: $56.8 million (Boston Red Sox – 2)
- 2005: $84.8 million (Chicago White Sox – 13)
- 2006: $74.5 million (St. Louis Cardinals – 11)
- 2007: $46.6 million (Boston Red Sox – 2)
- 2008: $71.2 million (Tampa Bay Rays win AL pennant with the second lowest payroll at $43.8 million compared to Yankees’ $209 million)

"Maybe they'll pay us more money now!"

It’s interesting to note that from 2004 to 2006, the second highest payroll dropped each year (a total of $7 million over the three seasons). In the Yankees’ championship years, the average separation of the two highest payrolls was close to $5 million. Since 2002, the Yankees average a whopping $55.2 million higher than the team with the second highest payroll. Frugal they are not. And how many championships has this excessive spending turned out? A big fat goose egg, capped off this year with no playoffs after a thirteen-year run.

"Guess not. These guys must want to win badly."

There is no formula that could possibly prove some type of correlation between money spent and championships. Plenty of rich teams have won. But the sports deities frown upon excessive spending and vain attempts to “buy championships,” as we so often put it. Instead of mimicking the desperation of the Knicks and Yankees, Tottenham should take a page out of the Giants’ playbook. They stuck with Coughlin and Manning, made good draft picks (Jacobs) and played it out.

So as Spurs fans ponder the meaning of this season, a few things to me are for certain. First, they should not succumb to the temptations of spending money on just any players. Last season they tasted a little success with a Carling Cup and perhaps thought they were on to something. Figure out your identity, buy players who can fulfill that vision even if they are not necessarily the best at their position, and find a coaching staff that will carry this out. Oh – and this is very important – allow what you have put in place to run its course.

Secondly, don’t bury your club financially to be successful this instant. They were the only club ranked in the top twenty of the richest European clubs to have not played in the Champions League. That means they’ve figured out how to be profitable without it, so they could have afforded to be patient. Unfortunately, now they find themselves having to fight off relegation, which could reportedly cost the club more than £40 million in revenue.

They’ve done well by putting a new stadium on hold (a reported mortgage of over £300 million) and have avoided disaster with their bank investment owner. With a new coach in place who has proven himself more than capable of leading a club to success, Modric, Bentley and the other players are going to have to get themselves out of the bottom three. Then the powers that be at White Hart Lane can reevaluate their spending habits the past two seasons and perhaps see the benefits of frugality in these dangerous times.

This is sure to be an exciting relegation season with Tottenham and Newcastle United sitting at the bottom. To be sure they will start to scratch and claw their way out sometime soon.

Instead of riding off into retirement Walsh signed on as general manager. D’Antoni left Phoenix after leading the Suns to four consecutive fifty win seasons.

To understand the magnitude of their decisions is to understand the money pit also known as the Knicks player payroll.

The Knicks made headlines with an overall player payroll in excess of 96 million dollars for the ’07-’08 season. Not until the Mavericks traded for Jason Kidd and his $21,000,000 contract did any other team pay more for its basketball…talent?

For their 96 mill the Knicks won 23 games.

Hey, that’s five more than the Patriots, and it’s been argued that New England had one of the greatest teams of all-time.

On the other hand only Seattle, Memphis, Minnesota, and Miami won fewer than the Knicks. Of course Miami had Shaq doing his finest Big Baby Huey until he was traded. Kevin McHale proved he still bleeds Celtic green when he pawned Kevin Garnett. The Sonics spent a season learning how lame a duck can be. And Memphis has no friggin’ excuse.

Leading the way for New York in the category of grand theft salary was Stephon Marbury. At 19,012,500 Marbury earned more than the combined paychecks of Rajon Rondo ($1,222,280), Chris Paul ($3,615,960), Deron Williams ($4,010,640), and Derek Fisher ($4,350,000).

Stephon played 24 games in the Knickerbocker back court. The Brooklyn native averaged a little less than 14 points per game. Man, who is Marbury’s agent?

I know. I know. You are laughing so hard you need to catch your breath.

I’ll wait.

It gets better.

Zach Randolph came in second on the Knick grand larceny list. On the surface Randolph’s salary looks like money well spent: $13,333,333 (before you think Zach is enamored with the number 3, his uniform reads #50) for 17 ppg and 10 rpg. That’s not bad. Until you consider Chris Bosh earned $12,455,000. Carlos Boozer? 11.5 million. Even Rasheed Wallace, who is the highest paid player on the Pistons, earned less than ‘Zach-attack’ with a salary of $12,790,000.

Oh yeah – all those guys played in the playoffs…except, of course, for Randolph.

Wait there’s more.

If you had your pick of the following centers: Kendrick Perkins, Antonio McDyess, Dwight Howard, Al Horford, or Eddy Curry; who would you pay the most? Howard right? No, no, no the self-appointed Super Man, who led the Magic into the second round of the playoffs, earned a tad over 6 mill. Horford, whose Hawks almost pulled off the unthinkable when they took the Celts to seven games, pocketed 3.7 million. Kendrick Perkins and Antonio McDyess are still playing in the playoffs. They are taking home $4.4 and $6.3 respectively.

Actually, this is kinda like Sesame Street: one of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong. Yeah, of the five players, only Curry didn’t play in the playoffs, yet the Knick center took home a cool $8,947,543.

If you are scratching your head, it’s all right. I am too.

Then there’s Quentin Richardson whose salary of $8.1 million ranks him ahead of Andre Igoudala ($2,804,889), Hedo Torkoglu ($6,373,900), Stephen Jackson ($6,630,000), Bruce Bowen ($4,125,000) and Shane Battier ($5,883,600).

The list goes on: Jamal Crawford ($7.9), Malik Rose ($7.1), Jerome James ($5.8), Jared Jefferies ($5.6).

So much for performance-based pay.

What’s worse? All the players mentioned above are due to get raises next year!

Marbury has a player option coming. My guess is he’ll opt to receive the $20,840,625 that he signed for.

In fact the Knicks have 89 million already locked up into next year’s salaries.

Randolph, Curry, Crawford, and Jefferies are all signed to wear the Knick jersey for the next three seasons. Tinker Bell doesn’t even have enough pixie dust to make that situation better.

It wouldn’t be so bad if you could trade these guys, but where’s the trade value?

Here’s hoping the contracts of Walsh and D’Antoni outlast that of their players.

Please accept this letter as application for the position as head coach of the New York Knickerbockers.

Enclosed you will find my resume, but I would like to emphasize a few important points.

I have spent the last fourteen years working as an English teacher. While this experience may not seem directly related to a position as a professional head coach, you will find the communication skills I have developed working in a high school classroom invaluable to your organization.

Further I have coached sports for the last twenty years. I have served as a head coach and an assistant for every level from first grade basketball instruction to high school varsity. Again this experience may not seem directly related to the position you need to fill, but I possess a firm foundation in the understanding of basic basketball principles. I also understand how to motivate athletes for the common good. The combination of these skills will allow me to foster a positive atmosphere with which we can rebuild the New York Knickerbocker franchise.

Further the time spent coaching at the developmental levels has allowed me to study a variety of coaching strategies and techniques. Rather than someone who has a specific coaching philosophy, I possess a wealth of knowledge and am willing to remain flexible enough that my players’ individual talents can flourish within structure of a team’s system.

I cannot lie. My playing experience is limited to eighth grade C.Y.O. ball. There’s not much room on basketball rosters for undersized white kids who can’t jump. I could pass the ball well…man, I could pass the ball. I even had one game where I scored six points in a quarter. Whew! The bucket looked like the ocean that night.

Nonetheless, I believe my skills and attributes could help return the ‘Knicks’ to N.B.A.
prominence.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, and I look forward to meeting with you at your earliest convenience.

Go Knicks!

Sincerely,

Casey