"Shoot at the middle rim."

By Patrick ‘Rey’ Reynell

Sarah Palin, former Governor of Alaska and vice-presidential candidate, has caught some criticism at a recent convention for apparently writing notes on her left hand. Who knows what she really recorded on the all-natural notepad. Perhaps some notes to not forget in her speech or maybe just a reminder of what to do or not to do.

This got me thinking about athletes and their struggles in front of the microphone. Some could use their own notes so they stop putting their figurative foot in their mouth, while others could use some reminders to not repeat bad behavior. So I wonder: what notes and reminders would some athletes write on their palms?

Shaquille O’Neal, Cleveland Cavaliers center at the free throw line: “Shoot at the rim in the middle.”

Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis Colts coach: “Game face at all times.”

Greg Oden, Portland Trail Blazers center: “Don’t tick off former g/fs w/ cameras.”

Danica Patrick, newest NASCAR driver: “Walk away from ‘rear-ending’ jokes.”

Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals: “Do NOT forget front tooth today.”

Rick Barnes, University of Texas basketball coach: “Call NCAA about Kevin’s eligibility.”

John Wall, University of Kentucky freshman point guard: “I love playing for Coach Cal.”

Larry Drew, UNC point guard: “Order transcripts for transfer.”

Roy Williams, UNC basketball coach: “Order transcripts for Larry Drew.”

John Terry, Chelsea and England national team midfielder: “Stop answering Victoria Beckham’s calls.”

Pete Rose, MLB all-time hits leader: “Deny Deny Deny … ‘I’m sorry.’”

Mark McGwire, former single season HR record holder: “I’m not here to talk about the past.”

Tiger Woods, pro golfer: Right hand: “I’m here to talk about golf” Left Hand: “Don’t answer John Terry’s calls.”

Brett Favre, Minnesota Vikings QB: “I ________ be back.”

Pete Carroll, Seattle Seahawks coach: “Call Calipari – thank him for advice.”

Got any additions? Let ‘The Pine’ hear ‘em!

Garcon (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

By Paul Gotham

Redemption Song

Twenty-nine days ago, Jim Caldwell, Peyton Manning and the rest of the Indianapolis Colts endured a flock of boo birds amongst their fans at Lucas Oil Stadium. With home field advantage through the playoffs safely in hand, the Colts opted to rest their starters for the second half of their game against the New York Jets. Thus the Colts forfeited the opportunity of reaching a perfect season and allowed the Jets to avoid elimination.

Luck seemed an adversary when the Colts would have to face those same Jets for the AFC Championship. The difference now was Gang Green no longer was facing elimination but walking arm in arm with momentum.

Irony looked like the tone of the day as the Jets held the Colts scoreless in the first quarter. The Colts’ troubles deepened when a drive stalled in the red zone and had to settle for a field goal. New York added to Indy’s miseries with a quick strike and a 7-3 lead.

New York would strike twice more -  a touchdown and a field goal. On the sideline, there were signs of frustration from Manning. ‘Ground and pound’  closed in on the American vernacular.

When the dust of the second stanza settled,  a 17-13 score in favor of the Jets stared the Colts in the face. Usually no deficit is too much for Manning and the Colts. Except that this deficit was to a team that had not surrendered more than fifteen points since the end of November.

Redemption Song

That was when the Colts went “forward in this generation” and earned their redemption.

The Colt offense scored 17 in the second half while the Colt defense kept the Jets out of the end zone.

With Reggie Wayne nearly suffocated in a Darrelle Revis blanket, Manning turned to Pierre Garcon, Dallas Clark and Austin Collie to pick apart the top defense in the league. Garcon grabbed a four yard pass from Manning to put the Colts ahead to stay seven minutes into the third. Garcon’s touchdown begs the question: has a D3 player ever caught a touchdown pass in an NFL Conference Championship game? During his college years, Garcon roamed the gridiron at Mount Union College.

Garcon made 11 catches on the day for 151 yards.

Clark caught a 15-yard touchdown in the fourth. Collie made seven grabs for 123 yards. Then the Colts became a ball-control team – something they scoffed at earlier this year.  Earlier this year, the Colts scored 27 points with 14:53 worth of possession. On Championship Sunday, Manning orchestrated two second-half drives that lasted longer than five minutes a piece. The second of which came midway through the fourth quarter – a 12-play, 71-yard drive that took 5:33 and all but ended the Jets’ chances.

Manning finished 26-39 for 377 yards and three touchdowns.

“But my hand was made strong, by the hand of the almighty. We go forward in this generation, triumphantly.”

Livin’ in the future

Mark Sanchez is no longer a rookie, and the New York Jets are none worse for the wear. Getting to the AFC Championship with a rookie quarterback is a testament to the balanced attack of the Jets.  If not already, AFC East opponents should take notice. Rex Ryan has created a serious contender not just some one-year wonder.

“Don’t worry darlin’, now baby don’t you fret. We’re livin’ in the future, and none of this has happened yet.”

My City of Ruins

My City Of Ruins

“With these hands, with these hands…Come on rise up! Come on rise up!”

Much has been made (as it should be) of the misfortune and ensuing struggle faced by the residents of New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.  To no small degree, the New Orleans Saints have played a role in boosting the morale of Gulf Coast denizens. Forced into a vagabond existence five years ago, the Saints’ triumphant return is near completion.

Garrett Hartley split the uprights in overtime to end an effort by the Saints that will be characterized more as opportunistic than precise.

Drew Brees completed 17 passes to eight different receivers for 197 yards.  Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush managed just 69 yards on 21 carries. But the only stat that matters is the final score: New Orleans 31 Minnesota 28.

Brees hooked up with Thomas in the first, Devery Henderson in the third and finally Reggie Bush in the fourth. Thomas also scored on a nine-yard run.

The Saint defense, like that port-a-potty at the family picnic, were johnny on the spot all day causing six Minnesota fumbles (three lost) and two interceptions.

“Now the sweet bells of mercy drift through the evening trees. Young men on the corner like scattered leaves. The boarded up windows, the empty streets while my brother’s down on his knees.”

The bitterest pill

The Bitterest Pill

Brad Childress and his Minnesota Vikings have the entire off-season to figure out how one team can dominate another by so much and come away with a loss.  Minnesota nearly doubled New Orleans in total yards, 475-257. The Vikes outrushed the Saints (165-68) and outpassed the Saints (310-189). Yet, in the end, all that matters is 31-28.

Many will focus on the interception thrown by Brett Favre. Fair enough, it was an ill-advised pass. But don’t forget what else happened. It’s kind of like Bill Buckner’s error. Yeah, it happened. But how about the fact that Calvin Schiraldi had a two-run lead with two outs and no one on when he got confused and thought he was tossing batting practice. That’s sort of like the Vikings getting flagged for 12 men in the huddle…AFTER a timeout! Maybe a pass would not have been needed if the Vikings had that five yards back. Favre could have run to the sideline. True. But Bob Stanley did not need to bounce the ball five feet in front of the plate allowing the winning run to move into scoring position. And that Minnesota defensive back, who shall remain nameless, could have secured the ball that tipped off the hands of  Marques Colston.

So Favre threw an interception on the last pass of his career…again. Bill Buckner let one go through the wickets. That’s all right, Favre will get his bust in Canton. Billy Buckner? This weekend he’ll be signing autographs at a card show or playing in some celebrity softball game. Somehow, life is not fair. Billy never made us endure any soap operas. I’m retired. I’m not retired. I’m retired. I’m not retired…

“The dying spark, you left your mark on me…for the bitterest pill is mine to swallow.”

I strenuously object!

McCarver trumps Aikman

Anyone else catch the exchange between Joe Buck and Troy Aikman? New Orleans got flagged for roughing the passer. On the first replay, Aikman commented that he didn’t like the call. Buck disagreed. You read that right. Buck disagreed. How many times has Tim McCarver put his foot in his mouth only to have pipsqueak smooth it over by mentioning that jello mouth caught Bob Gibson or something? Then Fox shows the replay again (remember, this is the NFL where a 60:00 game consists of about 15:00 of play, 25:00 of replays and 20:00 of watching guys stand in the hudlle or on the sideline). Aikman proceeds to explain himself at length. When he finished, Buck dismissed it: “I disagree.”  I half expected him to pull a Demi Moore and “strenuously” disagree.

Joe? You do realize you are sitting next to hall-of-famer right? Not to mention a hall-of-fame quarterback. Okay, he’s had a couple of concussions, but the guy still has his wits about him. You might want to defer to his judgment in the future.

Jaworski spot on

When Ron Jaworski makes a prediction, people should listen in the future. On the Sunday Morning Countdown, Jaws predicted that the Jets would go long on their third possession to Braylen Edwards. After the Colts made it three to nothing, the Jets took the kickoff for their third possession. First play, Sanchez dropped back and hit Edwards for an 80-yard touchdown. Now, THAT’S a prediction! Jaworski described how he had analyzed Jet tapes for a while and picked up on the tendency.

Got any NFL splinters? Share them here.

By Paul Gotham

Roll of the dice

Much to the chagrin of all those looking to witness history, the Indianapolis Colts pulled the plug on their run to perfection. With a 9-3 lead at half, Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark …(anyone I forgot?) traded helmets on baseball caps, and the New York Jets handed Indy loss numero uno, 29-15.

Jim Caldwell went from relative anonymity to membership in the head coaching club. Congratulations coach! Welcome to a lifetime of second-guessing although it is unclear whether the decision was actually Caldwell’s. There has been some discussion suggesting that team president, Bill Polian, made the call.

Either way, the pressure is now squarely on the backs of the Colts. The only way these guys can make good on this decision is to win the Super Bowl. Anything short of a victory in Dolphin Stadium will serve as the ultimate Garbage Plate feast for Monday Morning Quarterbacks.

Dare I suggest that the Who would be an all the more appropriate half time show at the Super Bowl. In the event the Colts don’t advance, wise-crackin’ analysts will question Indy’s place in history by quoting the British Invasion band: “Who are you, who-who, who-who?”

What place in history does Curtis Painter take? Painter at least earned his spot as a trivia question of the future. Hopefully, Scott Norwood gave the Colt reserve QB a call to put everything in perspective.

“All my elevens and sevens been comin’ up sixes and nines…Been comin’ on changing times; they’re just waitin’ over rise; just another roll of the dice.”

Seeing the real you at last?

Consider this: in week 12 of the season, New Orleans soundly defeated New England, 38-17. At that point, the Saints had won nine of eleven games by double digits. Since then, the Saints are 2-2. The two wins: by three over the Washington Redskins and by three over the Atlanta Falcons.

The two losses? Losing to Dallas is understandable. But Tampa Bay? Let’s look at this one way. The Giants beat the Bucs, 24-0 in week three. A game where the Bucs did not get a first down until late in the third quarter.

Yesterday, the Bucs had 24 first downs to the Saints 23.

Have the Saints peaked? Is it possible for Drew Brees and company to rekindle the fire they had earlier this season? In the meantime, Cajun country will be crooning Bob Dylan.

“I’m hungry and I’m irritable, and I’m tired of this bag of tricks. At one time there was nothing wrong with me that you could not fix.”

Waiting in the wings

Now that the Colts and Saints have come back to earth, who will slip by the one time favorites.

San Diego dispatched a hot Tennessee Titan team, 42-17 (not that any of us would know since the game was on the NFL Network). The Titans had won six of seven. San Diego has now won 10 in a row.  Included in those victories – Philadelphia, Denver, Dallas, and Cincinnati. The Chargers have quietly made an assault on the light brigade. With Indy forfeiting momentum, is the door wide open for the Chargers?

Or, are the Patriots back in the picture? Tom Brady and Randy Moss looked pretty comfortable slicing up the Jacksonville Jaguars.

New Orleans needs a win over the resurgent Carolina Panthers to secure home-field advantage. Are NFC rivals intimidated by the Super Dome? The Saints two losses came in the heart of Cajun Country.

Philly and Arizona might have enough of a chip on the shoulder to continue the Saints’ woes.

Muddy Waters

One week remains and seven AFC teams are jockeying for two wild card spots. The Jets and Ravens hold their own destinies. Baltimore has to play the bi-polar Raiders next week. That is not good for Baltimore, as it could open the door. Denver, Houston, and Pittsburgh wait to pounce on the possible loss. Miami and Jacksonville have as much of a chance of getting into the playoffs as Tiger Woods earning the Better Homes and Garden father-of-the-year award.

The ties that bind

At one time given up for dead, the Jets are alive. A victory over the Bengals punches Mark Sanchez’s ticket to the playoffs.

“You walk cool…but can you walk the line.”

Three in a row

Don’t look now, but the Browns have not known losing since December sixth. Any day now the ius suffix will be re-attached to Mangini.

Un-comfortably numb

How else can one describe the performance of the New York Giants? With their playoff lives hanging in the balance, playing the Meadowlands swan song, the Giants  showed nothing, zilch, zippo.  Down 24-0 at half, the Giants promptly allowed the Panthers to take the second half kickoff and go 71 yards in four plays.

Somewhere along the line the Big Blue Wrecking crew forgot how to tackle, how to block, how to punt, how to run, how to pass, how to catch, and yes, they forgot how to show feeling. Did I miss anything?

Props to Carolina’s version of Steve Smith. The nine-year vet took a helmet to his left forearm, but still held on for the touchdown despite breaking his arm.

Ndamukong sweepstakes

At 1-14, the St. Louis Rams have positioned themselves for the first pick in the draft. Detroit is 2-13. Matt Millen is gone. Would the Lions pick Shu if given a chance? Are there any good wide receivers available?

Back to the Rams – Shu would join Chris Long – the team’s overall number one pick in ’08 – on the line. Long has had five sacks since November.

Monday night lights

Minnesota at Chicago – which Favre will show? The drama queen or the gun slinger? Some are still waiting for number 4 to go clunk.

Got any NFL splinters? Share them here.

"I am the nothing man." AP Photo/Darron Cummings

No lead is safe…

At least when New Orleans and Indianapolis is involved, opponents can not score enough.  The Saints and Colts continued walking a thin, thin line en route to their undefeated marks. New Orleans erased an 11-point halftime deficit to defeat the Panthers 30-20. Carolina’s defense held New Orleans to just 84 yards on the ground, but the Saints have been figuring out a way to win all year. Drew Brees completed 24 of 35 for 330 yards. Robert Meachem led the way with 98 receiving yards on 5 catches.

For those keeping track at home, ‘Pomme’ DelHomme forgot to bring the dessert. The Carolina QB went an entire game without any turnovers.

The Chinchillas - "walking on a thin line"

Indy also performed their own escape routine. After Steve Slaton scored on a one-yard run , the Houston Texans led the Colts 17-13 in the fourth. Jospeh Addai answered seven minutes later with his own end zone plunge. Indy needed a little divine intervention. The Texans missed a field goal from 42 yards away as time expired.

Indy head coach, Jim Caldwell, might be considered the nothing man because “around here everybody acts the same; around here everybody acts like nothing’s changed.” Fans would be hard-pressed to remember a coach who has more quietly led his team to an 8-0 start.

Welcome to the working week

Tom ‘Terrific’ and his Pats have had plenty of pictures in the paper ‘being rhythmically admired,’  but Bill Belichick’s crew will need to ‘do it till their through it, so they better get to it.’ New England travels to Indy for a Sunday night show down with the Colts next week. After that those pesky Jets come to town. If that isn’t bad enough, the Pats geaux to N’Awlins for a Monday night soiree with the Saints.

For all those fans keeping track at home

Heisman trophy winner, Matt Leinart got into the game yesterday. He threw one pass. Leinart completed that pass…to THE WRONG TEAM. Yeah, Matt. Life is grand. “And I say this at the risk of falling from favor.”

Spirit in the night

Mark Sanchez and the Jets enjoyed a bye week. It’s been rumored that Mark “picked up Hazy Davy and Killer Joe” and headed out “to where the gypsy angels go.”

Does All State cover Green Bay

Aaron Rodgers might want to consider some insurance. The lowly Tampa Bay Buccaneers sacked the Packer QB six times yesterday. At this rate Rodgers will kiss the turf 74 times this season. Ouch! Tampa Bay in those lovely creamsicle colored jerseys scored 21 fourth quarter points to win 38 -28. Tampa Bay has scored 37 combined points in the fourth quarter this year.

Cincinnati in first

Holy Kenny Anderson is it true? The Bengals clipped the Ravens 17-7 yesterday sweeping the season series from the divisional foe. The Bengals haven’t done that since 1997. Next up – the Steelers. Considering the Steelers have the Monday night game, can the Bengals take advantage?

Free falling G-Men

A clear-thinking Giant fan.

A recent article by Chas sums up my sentiments toward the Giants. In the back of my mind is always the possibility that the Giants could implode at any moment. Yesterday’s debacle could make any clear-thinking Big Blue fan scream. First and goal, and the Giants managed a field goal. Followed by the defense playing matador to Philip Rivers and the Chargers.Not that Rivers had any motivation to beat the Giants or anything.

MNF

Pittsburgh at Denver. Hey Broncos! “Is it you baby, or just a brilliant disguise?”

Got any NFL Splinters? Share them here.